Hello World I am back, I know its been a minute and hey u know what that means, I have tons of Stuff to tell you all about or better yet lets use the word Enlighten. My life has been a world wind of pleasurable experiences. My BFF got married, so I have been super busy with that and I turned a year older and wiser, YAY me!! So now that everything has settled down, I can get back to doing what I love and that is talking to my Stans!! Now trust and believe I am about to go in. You already know this blog is not for the faint of heart or the ultra sensitive.
THIS IS SPARTA
Soooo I have been thinking about this for a very long time and this is the one thing in the world that urks me more than anything. Let me say this out loud and shout it from the rooftop, I hate CHEAP ASS People!!!
I hate cheap more than I hate BROKE!! Broke is just that, you don’t have it!! Cheap is I have it and don’t want to spend it.
Let me give you a scenario your broke ass friend is not going with you out to eat because her ass broke!! She got too may kids or too many bills or maybe it’s a combination of both. She got too much of something happening and she can’t afford it and it ain’t no secret, SHE BROKE. There is nothing wrong with being broke. I have broke moments too. She will flat out say I am broke and I am not mad at her. Your cheap ass friend is going to go out with you to eat $100 worth of food and then leave $2 on the table as a tip. That bitch Cheap. $2 is not a tip, it’s a damn gesture. I used to wait tables and $2 is a damn insult on my intelligence and on the services I just provided. If all you have is $2 to leave you need to get your food to go. I am sorry. I personally believe there is a code of conduct when hanging out with your home girls and there are just some things we just don’t do. You do not embarrass the both of you by leaving a service person 2 damn DOLLARS!!! Stop being so damn CHEAP!!!
Another thing you do not do is You do not add up your food and give me exact change for your meal, no tax no tip no nothing!!! Where they do that at? Is this a business meal or are we out having a good time….And who in the hell got all these nickels and dimes in there damn pocket? You ain’t going to die if we give the waiter your extra 23 cents. That ish is Tacky and it SCREAMS I am cheap and I think 23 cents is going to save me. You can’t even make a phone call on the payphone with 23 cents. A quarter juice cost more than 23 cents. A bag of chips is more than 23 cents as well. You want to know how worthless 23 cents is, give a 7 year old 23 cents and tell them to go to the corner store and buy themselves something. THEY GONNA TELL YOU THAT AIN’T A DAMN NUFF!!! I hate a 23 cent Cheap Bitch.
Now all my girlfriends who know me, know I have great going out etiquette, I don’t penny pinch, I tip well, and I am going to eat and drink what the hell I want when I am out and about. In this economy $20 ain’t gonna save me and it damn for sure ain’t gonna save you. You ever been out with somebody and they ask if they have free refills. (Who ask that question in 2011) and the waiter says no so the hoe start drinking water. What the FUCK!!! You mean to tell me you want soda but refuse to pay for it with your meal cuz it ain’t free. See thats a Buffet hoe right there!! Her ass is use to going to the damn buffet where there have free refills on the damn food and the drinks. I can’t stand a buffet hoe, if you a buffet hoe, stay the hell home or take your ass to the buffet. Do not come out with me asking about no refills on no damn $3 cup of soda. $3 can’t even get you a gallon of GAS!!! What exactly are you going to do with this $3. ENLIGHTEN ME!!! Some things I just can not fathom. Now by no means am I rich, far from it but as I stated before I hate CHEAP!!! Cheap Clothes, Cheap Shoes, Cheap Hair, Cheap PeoplE!!!! I hate all things Cheap!!!
Last but not least lets fast forward to the upgrade because its free type of hoe. If you been drinking soda all damn night, if I am treating do not all of a sudden order a real damn DRINK. Do not come to my house talking abt you only drink bottle water and I just saw you drinking fresh out the damn tap in the club. I hate and auto upgrade because somebody else is paying type of BITCH!! GTFOH!! I see chicks do it to men all the time and that is not ok and I see them do it to there friends as well, ITS ALSO NOT OK!!! It is flat out rude and it screams I am CHEAP!!!
Now lets fast forward to BROKE!!! I said I hate cheap more than broke, but broke is not my bff either. I’m going to say this 1 damn time and 1 time only. If you ain’t got NO MONEY Keep your broke ASS HOME!!! Do not go on vacation BROKE!!! Do not go to the CLUB BROKE!!! DON’T EVEN Go to the MALL BROKE!! If you can afford to get there but can’t afford to SPEND there, then your ass don’t need to be there!!! POINT, BLANK, PERIOD!! I am not going on vacation and eating McDonalds the whole damn time. I am not going on vacation and cooking the whole damn time. And OMG if you got a man and you go on vacation and you still broke, GO Kill YA SELF!! Because his ass is BROKE TOO!!! BROKE plus BROKE equals MORE BROKE!!!! He can’t even send you out with a few dollars to enjoy yourself. He can’t even feed you on vacation. HOUSTON SPARTA
So now that we know what makes us look broke and cheap (I only went into the obvious ones trust there are plenty more scenarios that I will keep to myself), lets see what we have learned from my last KICK A BITCH DOWN A DEEP DARK HOLE RANT!!
1. Do not pull out a damn calculator, pen or pencil when you are at the damn dinner table. You are a grown ass woman, u should know how to add, subtract, multiply and divide. If you want to leave 20 percent divide the damn check by 5 or you can move the decimal on the total bill one place to the left and that is your 10 % tip. But do not pull out you 5th GRADE MATH KIT!!!
2. If you are out with your damn Friends split the damn bill. Yall friends, you are going to see the BITCH again.
3. If you ain’t GOT NO Money KEEP YA BROKE ASS HOME!! Unless we friends and we treat each other. My friends who know me and I know ain’t CHEAP ( side bar: I do not treat Cheap ass people, cuz I know the favor will never be returned and if it is, then they will never let me forget it. It turns into on of those “remember that 1 time at Bandcamp” stories and I don’t have time for it) knows I have no problem with Holding them down for the NIGHT!!! But that is a conversation we have b4 we go out, not when we get there. (Have the convo prior PLEASE, cuz if yall both out and broke yall may just end up washing dishes or worst in jail for theft of services).
4. Never and I repeat NEVER ask if a place has free refills, there is no point in knowing the answer to that question, either you want a damn soda or you don’t!!
5. Do not eat or drink what u can not afford, because if the folks you are with are not your friends then you can probably bet your bottom dollar you all are not splitting the bill. You won’t be eating Lobster on me, WE AIN’T FRIENDS. And your ass better not pull out a calculator to get your portion correct. You know what the hell you ate!!
Well my loves, I am done for now. Eat, Live and Spend Responsibly!! Life is to short and you can’t take it with you. And remember Nobody ever got Rich from being CHEAP ASSS HELL!!! But they have been talked about on this damn BLOG!!! LOL, and as I always say…..THIS IS SPARTA Bitches!!! I love you all!!
