MAKE Up and Fashion Tips from Mrs. Suicide, SOME THINGS I SEE JUST AIN’T RIGHT and your ass SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!

OKKK So I know u guys are looking like WTH, this ain’t the type of Blog I am used to. MrsSuicide done lost it, she want to give fashion and make up tips, WTF!!!  Trust, YES the hell it is. My tips ain’t coming from Cosmo, they coming straight from me and some folks need to hear it.  I am noticing a lot of trends besides the obvious tacky as eyelashes and jacked DOWN weaves (they to F’d Up to be jacked up, hence the term Jacked DOWN!!)  and they need to be addressed. So I’m a keep this Simple and Sweet!!! You Already KNOW!!!

THIS IS SPARTA BITCHES!!!!

So ladies let just start with your face from top to bottom.

1. Eyebrows.

 Ladies this is the window to your face and just having them arched is not enough, some of you need to fill those bad boys in. Yes I am an avid eyebrow DRAWER and an advocate!!! I was not blessed in the eyebrow department so they get filled in everyday. I bet you rather I draw them on than to walk around and you keep looking at me like what the hell is wrong with her face and then when I walk away 10 minutes later you realize the problem is my ass didn’t have any eyebrows. Now if you have already realized that YES, I do need to fill my eyebrows in then this is great, some of us can get away with just getting them arched but some of us can not. If you draw them on as I always do, YOU NEED, (hold on a sec, I am going to first hope that your ass can draw a little bit and you don’t run around here looking  Surprised all the damn time. If this is you, I can not help you, you need to stop reading NOW!!! Because you don’t have any reason running around here looking like the BBM Surprised face, ur eyebrows should have been your guide, now if your ass done shaved them all off, DO NOT PASS GO and DO NOT Collect $200, GO Straight to Jail and stay there until your eyebrows grow the hell back) If you are an avid eyebrow filler or recently realized that when you take pictures something just isn’t quite right, or you eyebrows are not quite showing up in the damn photo, you need to invest in a good eye brow pencil!! Ladies let me tell you this, the products you use will make or break the end result. Those dollar store pencils will have you looking like you drew your damn eyebrows on with a magic marker in the morning and by the end of the day you will only have 1 damn Eyebrow because you done sweated that cheap shit off.  I recommend the Spiked self sharpening. Brow Pencil by Mac Cosmetics, for $15 it is well worth it and because it is self sharpening you do not have worry about going to use it and the damn point breaking. I am not going to even go into the oscar the grouch eyebrows because you all should know better.

2. Lips

 Ladies your lips should look amazing, I mean you want the opposite sex or whatever sex you are attracted to (Shout out to the GAYS), to look at your lips and imagine the thing they can do, not the THINGS THEY CAN CUT!!!  Some of those lips are horrible. Just as dry and as crusty as ever. Like you been licking flour. If you lips are extra dry and you have excess dead skin on them this is not good but I will say ok, maybe u got caught in a blizzard or something (BBM Whatever FACE). Who knows?!?! What you should do is take a soft head toothbrush, put a generous amount or Vaseline on your lips and simply wet the toothbrush and use it to rub off the access deadskin from your lips. We do not need you pulling and unintentionally Lorraina Bobbit on you boo with them crusty as lips, SMH!! Also if your lips are extra black lip gloss just isn’t going to cut it. I am not going to even ask why you got the black lips, (uhm hmm smoking them TREES), but take a dap of foundation and put it on your lips before you put on your lip gloss. Can’t have you running around here with black shiny lips, thinking your lip gloss is poppin when you just drawing attention to them and letting everybody know you smoke weed and you got SHINY BLACK ASS LIPS!!! Looking like something straight out a GOTH Magazine, Can we SAY WALKING DEAD!!! .  

3. Face

 Skincare is very important and one needs to know how to take care of their skin, I don’t know what to tell you about this because if you ass is over 25 and you haven’t figured it out, u need to go see a damn dermatologist, I can not help you. I wash my face with water and that is it, every once in a blue I may need to pull out the old school Noxzema but that is about as deep as my skincare regiment gets. What I will say is ladies, foundation is your friend. It is possible to wear foundation and not look over done or like a CAKE FACE as my boyfriend likes to call it. As a matter of fact a lot of yall need to put some on to even out that skin tone, face eight different colors all over and you can’t figure out why you a lonely bitch. Even out that skin tone, put on a nice blush and some lip gloss and try that out for a change, especially if what you got going on already isn’t working. Everybody so quick to say I don’t wear make up, I am Natural, some of yall NATURALLY A DAMN MESS!!! Now all men are not into makeup, I wear make up EVERYDAY, but I have a Natural look and  GLAM look, most men can not tell the difference between a natural look and a face with no make up, except that with the latter something just isn’t as clear and polished as it should be. My Research says however that the face with the make up is more appealing. (I did this study at the club one night and I met more men with my natural make up face than without a stitch of damn make up on, didn’t even fill in my brows, A MESS).  Hence when I was clubbing and tryna catch something THE FACE WAS DONE!!!! Face is always still done cuz you never know who you are going to run into (i.e. exes, your beau exes, folk that know you but you don’t know them talking about that’s that broad that be talking all that smack MrsSuicide she ain’t that FLY). Ladies I recommend you invest in a good foundation, go to any Mac Counter and they will match you up very nicely. Also remember your skin is lighter in the winter than in the summer so your foundation may switch with the season. A little bronzer can also help with this problem. Yes Black folks can wear BRONZER!!! Can’t have u walking around looking like Casper the Friendly Damn Ghost and you talking about but MrsSuicide said I need to wear foundation. Yeah you do, but the foundation also needs to MATCH DAMN IT!!!    

OK Now I am going to leave the face and just go into the trends I see.

1.  No Underwear!!!

Ladies I want all of you to wear DRAWERS!! Especially under the Kelly Bundy (short and tight) Dresses. If you do not want a panty line, that is fine.  A few yeas ago they invented something called seamless PANTIES!! Yes HONEY!!!  They are panties with no seams, just for folks who do not want panty lines. I for the life of me can not leave the house in a dress and just be out all commando. Why? Because what if I get into a fight and for those of us to old to be fighting, what if I just happen to slip on a spilled drink in the club, now my HOOHAA is out for the world to see!!! The world won’t be getting that opportunity, IJS!! Now even if you are not afraid of the world seeing your HOOHAA, there is all types of creepy crawlies just waiting to hitch a ride from one persons house to another, your DRAWERS are your first defense for your HOOHAA, why in the world would you just let your defenses down. Now we ladies with booties that jiggle when we walk ain’t got no DAMN Business running around with no DRAWERS ON, your ass look like two cats fighting back there, PUT SOME DAMN DRAWERS AND some Spanx ON!!! Save the Cat Fighting Booty for your MAN!!!

2.  Too Little Clothes!!

 Ok Folks as a woman whose weight fluctuates up and down the scale, I know that some things I can wear one month and the next month I can not. I need you all to know this too. If its TOO TIGHT it JUST AIN’T RIGHT!! If when you put on your pants your belly rolls over the top, they are too damn little. The Muffin TOP is not Sexy! If when you put on a shirt and button it up, there are gaps in between where we can see your skin as if you are putting on a PEEP SHOW!!! ITS TOO DAMN LITTLE!!!! If you put on a jacket and there is no way in HELL you can button it up, ITS TOO DAMN Little. Drop them all off in the Bins they have all around town these days and Donate them to the less fortunate. Now I am one that will keep things believing I will be able to fit them one day, but I will not go outside in them, until THEY ACTUALLY FIT!!!

Now lets just say it comes in your size, because now a days if folks think you will buy it, they will make it. Let me say this, Everything is not for everybody. For example they make belly shirts in every size and in every color, a belly shirt is not for you if you have a BELLY!!! Leggins, yes they do stretch to the point of no return, but those are not for everybody either, extra skinny girls included. Leggings make you look like u smoking something and we are not talking about weed either. Your ass looks malnourished and the leggings are empahasizing this. Why the hell you got on Saggy Leggings, CTHU!!! Extra big girls, if done right you can pull a legging of but and I say this, make sure they are not the ones you can see through and when you bend over we can see your HOOHAA. Can You say NOT GOOD!!!

There are a few more trends that are killing me, but I have rode them to the point of no return and have decided today was a day that I would just emphasize on the fixable. Shout OUT TO The Old Hoes, the LaceFronts that look like Helmets and THE Windshield Wiper Eyelashes!!! Yall know theses extra ghetto trends just ain’t right and they make you look Extra HOOD for no damn Reason!! Might as well just write I AM GHETTO right on your forehead with that cheap ass eyebrow pencil you been using to draw those eyebrows on with. Just country and Corny as Hell!! I don’t think I need to tell yall about it, because we have discussed them time and time again.

What I will say is if you have a friend who looks a mess all the time, TELL THEM!! I will be your first friend to give your ass an intervention if we are friends, but unfortunately everybody ain’t my damn FRIEND, some of them are yours!! It is the nature of the beast and watch out for the LONELY Bitch who always looks a mess, because she will let you believe looking a mess is the way to GO!! She don’t know any better. She will suck you down into that Deep DARK HOLE in Sparta and I won’t even have to KICK you in the BACK 2 GET YOU THERE> The Lonely Bitch that always looks a MESS done Pulled You DOWN!! Live, Laugh and Love and Remember THIS IS SPARTA BITCHES!!! Happy Wednesday!!