IS 35 and Single the NEW DESPERATE!!!!

 So I decide to meet my sistergirlfriend (this is a girlfriend who is more like a Sister)  for drinks after work the other day and we are chatting it up, talking about everything under the sun as we often do whenever we get together, those of you who know me personally know I can talk a Million miles a minute. What can I say I have a gift for GAB and talking is definitely on of my strong suits!!! So the conversation turns to dating and what is going in my life. I tell her everything is good, I have a new beau and I think this is it. if you read my Facebook page I said my next boyfriend wouldn’t be my ex boyfriend and I meant it. We go into the how we met and how I am not getting any younger, have a kid already but would like to be married in the next few years, yada yada yada blahzay blah. My sistergirlfriend is happily married and when I say happy, I mean happy!!! I personally see how well her and her husband mesh and I think it is a beautiful thing so I often go to her when I have man issues and or need advice on how to curb this mouth of mine. Yes my mouth is vicious and I am well aware of it. I am learning how to curb it JUST A TAD, because I don’t want to send this one running for the hills, but I also know my mouth and my tone is a great part of who I am so I will not change it, just simply learning how not to say all the crazy mess that runs through this head of mine. All of you who know me and have been on my Facebook page know I can say some flat out Outlandish things. Well that is who I am 24/7, no Facebook stuntin and Fronting over here. We all know facebook can be a Stunters Paradise. Anywho, So I am talking to my sister/girlfriend and she asks about one of my other sister/girlfriends and I tell her that she is about to get married this June and how the wedding is right around the corner. She begins to tell me how all of her friends are either planning weddings or just got married in the last few months and they are all either 35 or a little bit older. So I say to her “WOW!! That is great!!! I can tell all my friends that there are still some viable brothers out there and despite what statistics show, its not completely hopeless if you are not married by 35. Well once we go into the nonsense of it all, and I mean complete utter nonsense.

I say a silent prayer:

“Lord these WOMEN done lost there freakin marbles!!! Completely Ape Shit if you ask me!! If I am not married by 35, Please don’t let me fall into desperation where I am willing to just marry whatever the cat done dragged in the freakin door.”  

I know we all say we can’t help who we love, yeah we can’t, but Damn it, we can atleast help who in the hell we meet. Now let me add, all of these women are successful beautiful black women, a few could use a nice weave and some hair tips but for the most part they are not the bottom of the barrel. They own homes, drive nice cars and appear to have there ducks in a row. I say appear only because these are not my friends I have met them only once or twice in passing and for all I know they can be NUTTY AS HELL!!! And based on where this story is going they may just be NUTTY AS HELL!

 So here is the rundown.

One woman’s husband was living in his mothers basement with no car and no job when they met and his ass still doesn’t have a car or a job now that they are married and here is the kicker, he is 37 and wants to rap, yes I said it RAP. I don’t even have words for this scenario. All I want to know is how in the hell did these two people meet and how do you even give this guy your number. Did he rap you out of your drawers? Is the sex that damn good? I have never and I say never had sex so good that it would allow me to allow a grown ass aspiring rapping man, who lives in his mamas basement with no job to be my damn husband. GTFOH.

Another woman's fiance used to be a pimp, I mean a real live “Hoe better have my money or I’m a slap the taste out ya mouth!” convicted pimp. Not only are you about to marry a convict but we are talking reformed pimp, who by the way still dresses like a damn PIMP!! Can we say GTFOH again!!! Once again, how did these two people even meet?

Another woman met her husband on Craigslist. Damn, has she not heard of the damn Craiglist killer? I didn’t even know Craiglist had men up there. Couches and televisions? YES!!! I even knew they had female escorts, but never in a million years did I think of Craigslist as a dating site. I could understand it more if it was match.com or even Facebook, but Craigslist?!?! Do they even have pictures up there? Can you even see what the person looks like? Atleast with FB, you probably know someone, whom actually knows this person, but Craigslist, GTFOH again!!!

The last womans fiance is GAY. I mean flaming with fingerwaves, gay. Not metrosexual because I know the difference and it was flatout obvious when I met this man the one time I met him, this man is flatout GAY!! Didn’t I warn you this was Apeshit Nutty!!!

As women I think that we need to realize that we all have to have standards and just because we get a little older and our biological clocks start ticking that does not mean we should throw all caution to the wind and marry the first man that wants to marry us. Of course the men above want to marry you,  if I was a 37 year old rapper with no real job who lived in my mama’s basement and I didn’t have a car, I’d marry you and I don’t even like girls, lol.  Seriously I know that we can not choose who we love and this is not to say these women are not in love and these men don’t treat them like the queens that they are. I do not know because as I stated these are not my friends. All my girlfriends know I am the first to call a damn Intervention and this is definitely one of those moments when they would get one. I can understand lowering your standards if you have a list five pages long like Chilli from TLC, but when did reformed pimp and gay man become a part of the dating pool?  Standards are there for a reason and there is no need to drop yours. 35 or not, biological clock ticking or not, the possibilities are still endless. Often we hear women say I never meet anybody or there is no one out here to date. There are plenty, you better get up, get out, and get something!!!

As my good deed for today, I will try to tell you how to meet men, I am no expert but I know the guys listed above can not be all that is out there. I hope and pray that is not ALL!!! Father God please let this not be it!!!  Here we go.

1. Fix yourself up.

Ladies appearance is key, I can tell you something all these women have in common, there hair is either always a mess or two seconds from a mess. This is not a good look. How are you going to find a man if your hair isn’t done half the damn time? He doesn’t want to look at that. I always say as long as the hair is done and the lip gloss is poppin everything else is fine. This includes running to the store, I don’t care if you have on sweats and a t shirt a man can see past all of that as long as that hair is done. And most importantly you need to leave your head rags of all sorts at home; this includes scarves, pretty scarves, silk scarves, and Gucci scarves. Leave them all home!!!  If you want to go out with it wrapped up (doobie style) then do so, but that scarf is definite NO NO!!! And don’t ask why some women can get away with it but you can’t. She can do it because her ass got a man at home!!! YOU DON’T.

2. Fly Solo 

I can not stand a woman that needs company everywhere she goes. Venture out on your own if you are trying to meet someone. It is easier for a man to approach you when you are by yourself. This includes going grocery shopping, running errands, and even going out to happy hour. If you must go out clubbing you do not need a whole entourage of girlfriend, what are you girls a damn singing group. Well guess what even Diana Ross had to go solo.  This means you plus one more is just fine. Here is my point you and 3 of your girlfriends are always out as a foursome, you have a 25% chance of a guy approaching you versus the other 3. If you leave 2 of them home and just take one, now you have a 50% chance. If you leave all of them home, you now have even better odds. Go out by your damn self and enjoy your evening, it really isn’t as hard as it seems.

3. Venture Out

You are not going to meet a man hanging in the house all day, your single so obviously there is no man in your house. You need to go out, and I mean A LOT. You should be out atleast twice a week especially if you do not have children, and not out to dinner with your lonely ass non hair do having girlfriends, I mean out where there will be MEN. That means a club or a bar and not an empty ass “shi shi fu fu bar.” A group of single black men are not going to be at Legal Seafood on a Friday night, they just aren’t. That is some story book bullshit. That is were you go after you have a man and truly just want to hang with your girls, not were you go when you are looking TO MEET SOMEONE. Stop being so damn bourgeois. Bourgeois broads kill me! Take your ass down to a decent establishment in the HOOD!!!  That is where the brothers are at, it will be some Pookie’s (undesireables) there but there will be more working men there than a little bit, trust I know. And do not fall for the first Pookie you meet, I think that is what happened with the sister’s above. Date and choose the one you want, do not allow a man to choose you.

I say all of this to say that we do not have to lower our standards just because we get a little older. With age comes a certain level of maturity and wisdom that I believe can only be achieved after you have lived a certain period of your life. With this maturity should come a certain sense of entitlement.  We are all entitled to have whatever we desire as women especially when it comes to a husband and family. I also want to live like the Cosby’s, but if this mean accepting bullshit and lowerig my standards just because I am a little older and single, I stand by my convictions when I say I will do no such thing. 

 Live, Laugh, and LOVE and most importantly remember who you are and what you are worth!